Marik plays SKYWARD SWORD
by Must-see-EVERYTHING
Summary: This is a YGOTAS fanfic. Marik plays the game with Bakura. All else is said in the title. Serious crack.
1. Chapter 1: Skyloft of DRAGONS!

**A/N: Okay, just saying this once, I absolutely am not sure what comes of this. But I'm putting it out there. Because I'm that stupid.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own skyward sword, don't own yugioh and YGOTAS. If this is absolutely illegal and not appreciated then please tell me. I'll get rid of it quickly.**

**Marik plays SKYWARD SWORD**

Marik: Hm, this is expected. Every game starts with TOTAL DARKNESS.

Bakura: That's because this is a dream sequence, Marik.

Marik: My dreams always have images, Bakura, no darkness. They were always the nice ones of me defeating the pharaoh by wearing his _leather pants._

Bakura: That sounds... interesting.

Marik: Oh look, a card monster! He can't ever defeat my winged dragon of Ra!

Bakura: Marik, you don't _have_ Ra now and that is _not_ a duel monster, Marik. It's the hero of this game.

Marik: Should look more heroic. Oh now there's an evil laugh. It _so_ does not beat mine.

Bakura: Yours is higher pitched and more girly.

Marik: And more evil and more _sexy!_

Bakura:...Yes.

Marik: Thank you, now the dream is over, let's read the damn letter that a purple dragon spat at me.

Bakura:...Well? What does it say?

Marik: I can't read this crap! Bakura, read it, after all you're British.

Bakura: Of course, the things you admit you can't do you give to me.

Marik: Get on with it!

Bakura: Apparently, we have to meet this 'Zelda' person because it has to do with a ceremony they are going to hold.

Marik: Okay... Kill the Zelda person and destroy the ceremony.

Bakura: Close enough.

**[To Zelda~]**

Marik: It's dark magician girl! What's _she_ doing here?!

Bakura: What is that annoying music she's playing?

Marik: I don't know, but it's even worse than gay-Franky!

Bakura: You mean Groose?

Marik:Shut up! I call him whatever I want! Skipping past pointless dialogues~

Bakura: Actually, Marik, I think this is very important to the plot.

Marik: POINTLESS. DIALOGUE. Now where do we go?

Bakura: You do realise you're getting pushed off a cliff?

Marik: AAAAH! I ALWAYS KNEW THAT DARK MAGICIAN GIRLS WERE EVIL! Oh how lucky, we are saved by a dragon.

Bakura: Marik, that is not a dragon. That is a bird.

Marik: Bakura you idiot! No bird could be that big and still can fly! Don't tell me you never took biology...

Bakura: I don't pay attention and in the other lives I _never_ had bloody biology!

Marik: NO! Evil dark magician girl is on it! You came here to spy on me for the pharoah, didn't you?!

Bakura: Marik, this is a game, dark magician girl does _not _exist in it.

Marik: Are you blind Bakura? She's right there!

Bakura: Well, technically I was nearly blind in one eye when I was still a thief. So does that answer your question?

Marik: (Ignoring Bakura) Who is this giant, owl-like giant?

Bakura: This giant, owl-like giant is 'Zelda's' father.

Marik: So she's part owl? This doesn't make any sense!

Bakura: I don't think he's an owl, Marik.

Marik: SHH! The giant, owl-like giant is talking! We must listen to his wise words for world domination!

Bakura: He says to find your own giant bird.

Marik: Brilliant plan! We will destroy humanity with dragons!

Bakura: Let's just find our giant bloody bird.

Marik: Dragon. Hey Bakura! This cave is filled with money!

Bakura: MINE!

Marik: Frigging. Bats. Annoying. *Killing bats*

( After so long that we don't even want to tell you)

Bakura: Oh look, our bloody bird trapped in _another _cave-like space.

Marik: Dragon. Let us free it! You shall be my eternal minion, dragon! I shall name you Steve!

Bakura: No. Name it Oliver.

Marik: Oliver?! That is such a British name, Bakura!

Bakura: Piss off Marik.

Marik: Now we got the dragon. So how do you fly this thing?

Bakura: Well-

Marik: Forget it, I shall use my evil powers to mind-control Steve!... AH! You'll never believe this Bakura, but this dragon's mind is a set of controls!

Bakura: That was what I was going to say before you interrupted.

Marik: What does 'A' do?

Bakura: No Marik, don't press the damn button- AAARRGH!

Marik: AHAHA! I now know that to go forward is to press 'A'!

Bakura: No Marik, that just makes you 'Sprint'. To go up you tilt that device on your hand upwards, and to go down you tilt the device to the ground. A makes you go faster.

Marik: Oh so _that's_ what the stupid words in Steve's head meant!

**[Scene change to Wing ceremony]**

Marik: What do we do now?

Bakura: You win this game by chasing down the statue, grab it and you win.

Marik: This is going to be child's play. I've played a children's card game harder than _this_! Gay-Franky is here too! I am going to have revenge... MWAHAHA!

Bakura: How? Control his mind and get him to do embarassing things?

Marik: No, Bakura. I will take away the source of his power.

Bakura: By killing his bird?

Marik: No that's _ridiculous!_ We are going to... _cut off his hair and give him plastic surgery_!

Bakura: Take your mind off your bloody plans and get on your bird, the competition has already started!

Marik: Oh yes. AHAHA AHAHA! I summon... Steve! Now Steve! Chase after that statue dragon!

Bakura: Just a little more.. a little more... BLOODY HELL?! When I get my hands on Groose I'm going to *mumblemumblemumble*

Marik: That cheating sh*t! But that gives me more reason to turn him bald! Steve! Go after the statue dragon again! And Bakura, sock anyone that comes close, they're in my personal bubble!

Bakura: Aren't _I_ in your personal bubble then?

Marik: YES! That's why I hate you so much! Now do your job! This is not working Bakura! I can't get the yellow statue dragon if I keep on tailing it! We need to change our approach!

Bakura: Well why don't you just _bloody_ mind-control it and it can give the statue to you!

Marik: Excellent plan Bakura! Now, yellow dragon with the statue! Come here and give me that statue on you! Brilliant! It's working... WE WON BAKURA!

Bakura: About time too...

Marik: Do you know what this means...?

Bakura: That we won the ceremony?

Marik: It means we get a prize! They'll surely reward us with something worth our time!

**Several minutes later:**

Bakura: How lovely, we got a sailcloth. HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO USE THE DAMN THING!

Marik: Calm down, Bakura. It's made by the Dark Magician Girl, it's surely has some magic power. Just watch while we jump off this high place...Bakura?

Bakura: Yeah?

Marik: Where's the 'B' button? QUICK! We'll be pancakes if we don't find it!

Bakura: YOU MORON! It's on the underside of the remote!

Marik: Aha! See? This sailcloth can slow down our landing even though it's not that big and shouldn't be carrying the weight of a person with ease!

Bakura: That doesn't make sense.

Marik: Game logic doesn't make sense. And look, we're flying with the dark magician girl. Be on your absolute guard Bakura, I don't trust her.

Bakura: She's called Zelda, Marik.

Marik: This is your chance MiniMarik! Kill Dark Magician girl!

Bakura: I think this is supposed to be a heart scene.

Marik: No, look! I activate the spell card, Tornado! Die, Dark Magician Girl! Wait, Bakura! There's a malfunction in our plans!

Bakura: And what is that?

Marik: We're getting thrown off as well! Oh and at the bottom of the tornado there's a mouth. So that's what the obliterator of cards look like. HAHAHA, Bakura! It's over! Dark Magician Girl has died!

Bakura: And sent to the graveyard. _No_, Marik. That girl is Zelda. And our character is blacking out as well.

Marik: NO! I refuse to be eaten! I am immortal!

Bakura: And here's the screen of black.

Marik: Man, this game sucks, everything happens too quickly and the colouring is too bright.

Bakura: Well you should know-

Marik: Shut it Bakura! MiniMarik is waking up! We're alive Bakura! Rejoice!

Bakura: Oh that's jolly good. It looks like it's night time. We should get more sleep.

Marik: Nonsense, Bakura. Night is the time when people like us _thrive_! I'm leaving my room.

Bakura: Oh how amusing, as soon as you leave you see a floating humanoid.

Marik: It's the pharaoh's spirit! AFTER IT!

Bakura: It's heading to the angel statue, dash!

Marik: Great. The entrance is blocked off, we need to find another way in.

Bakura: Why can't you just force your way in there?

Marik: Correction Bakura, I don't have bombs or bulldozers, now up those small islands! AH! Die vermin!

Bakura: That looks like one of those cats we saw in the day...

Marik: You telling me that those cats go vampire in the night?

Bakura: That was exactly what I was going to say, yes.

Marik: Right, you know, it never amuses me how clever and completely obnoxious these areas are.

Bakura: Marik, you already went that way.

Marik: I _know_ Bakura! See? I can't see a frigging thing and my memory is not exactly photographic!

Bakura: You now need to jump to the other island.

Marik: Are you insane, Bakura? That's like, 20 metres!

Bakura: Stop exaggerating it Marik, you automatically jump running to the edge.

Marik: Ah that makes it so much easier. We're finally here, Bakura! About time!

Bakura: Ah yes, the pharaoh's spirit.

Marik: Hold on, this isn't the pharaoh's spirit... it's a plastic Barbie doll!

Bakura: Correction, it looks plastic, but is blue and purple.

Marik: I like her clothes.

Bakura: Now is not the time Marik.

Marik: Oh look, a giant room with nothing but a sword in a pedestal in the middle, what shall I ever do?

Bakura: Pull out the sword?

Marik: That was sarcasm Bakura. Here I go... Hey Bakura?

Bakura: Yes?

Marik: Why do they make pulling a sword out of a pedestal that big of a deal? The slow-motion, music and camera angles. Are they important?

Bakura: Yes, I believe this is when the hero gets a legendary sword. Now the sword spirit, Fi, will give you the emerald tablet, which teaches you skyward strike.

Marik: How do you know all this Bakura? So the Barbie doll is the sword spirit? Pft, the sword should be the sword of plastic!

Bakura: I learnt this from the internet Marik and no, the sword is called the Goddess sword.

Marik: Okay, the special move is a sword that lights up and fires energy at targets. I can live with that. NOW I HAVE ONE MORE WEAPON TO USE AGAINST THE PHAROAH!

Bakura: Now just put the tablet on the stone wall thing and we're done.

Marik: Ah, this wall must be the control panel! What will happen when I put the first piece in...

**Green laser beam shoots down from the sky and penetrates the cloud.**

Marik: Bakura...

Bakura: Yes...

Marik: I believe we have found the solution to all our problems! If we can complete this machine, we can take over the world and zap that pharaoh's butt out of existence!

Bakura: If it actually exists...

Marik: Oh please, children cards that is actually real and serious exists, so why wouldn't this not?

Bakura: I believe you actually made a good point there.

**[Back at Knight Academy]**

Bakura: Marik, we're getting new clothes.

Marik: Oh finally! I want a shirt that shows off my sexy torso!

Bakura: Tough luck, we're getting a _green_ uniform.

Marik: Well don't I look sexy...

Bakura: I think the correct term is, cool and heroic.

Marik: Whatever, thank you giant, owl-like giant! I'll be going now! Right, we meet this weird dude, who looks a little derpy.

Bakura: He's the one that you helped earlier with the barrels.

Marik: Oh yes! I remember now! That slave-driver, if it wasn't me drooling over how strong I looked, I would've killed him!

Bakura: He now gives you an adventure pouch.

Marik: Oh great! Free stuff! Now I'll talk to the white haired man! Aha! Now I get a shield!

Bakura: The sword spirit tells you to go to the Bazaar.

Marik: Why would I go there? Seems like a bar where drunks go if you ask me.

Bakura: They might give you free stuff...

Marik: We're going!

**[After the Bazaar]**

Marik: Oh boy, all we get out of talking to every weirdo is _an empty bottle!_ This is a massive waste of time!

Bakura: Well, you could go to the place where you blasted a hole through.

Marik: Oh yes! I will dominate that patch of land and all the others! Steve, I summon you! Head towards that green beam of light!

Bakura: Bloody hell, is that a _forest_ underneath there?!

Marik: I believe so, now what do we do?

Bakura: I think we jump off Marik.

Marik: What? No! What'll happen to Steve then!?

Bakura: He'll be fine Marik, now get off the bloody bird!

Marik: It's a DRAGON!

**A/N: R&R I'm not getting anything out of this, except from reviews and favourites and followers, (MAYBE) but I shared my ideas with Starlight Constellation so she deserves some credit!**


	2. Chapter 2: BOTTLES! Faron Forest

**A/N: OKAY! Updating. Sorry, I did this three times and wasn't satisfied (I have a feeling that number's going to go up...)**

**Disclaimer: Refer to chapter 1+ I don't own pokemon.**

Marik: *Falling out of the sky* Wheeeeeeeeeeee! Come on, Bakura, you have to do this with me.

Bakura: ...*Silently glares*

Marik: Fine, be a party pooper, I have landed! I have landed!-

Bakura: HIT THE B BUTTON!

Marik: WHERE IS THE B BUTTON!

Bakura: UNDERSIDE OF THE REMOTE! UNDER-

Marik: Ah! I'm BLEEDING!

Bakura: Your stupidity exceeds standard idiocy.

Marik: THANK YOU _VERY_ MUCH! Did you get what the Barbie sword is saying?

Bakura: No, in case you haven't noticed you were _flicking through the dialogue too fast to read._

_**Steve-/-_-)/-*All hail Marik***_

Marik: UH! Now your slobber is covering my dashing looks! _There is hell to be paid!_

Bakura: Note, Marik, that it is a carnivorous plant that _spits._

Marik: So what? I have a BARBIE SWORD! RA-RA-RA-RA RAZE!

Bakura: ...What the f*ck?

Marik: *Slashing at the deku baba* Oh do you like it? It's my battle cry. Get it? Ra? God of Sun? As in burn? Fire?

Bakura: ...*Facepalm + sigh* Yes Marik, it's brilliant.

_**Steve-/(_)/-*Face bow***_

Marik: *Actually reading instructions* You can use the dowsing ability to locate objects or things that you need... That sounds like your Gaydar!

Bakura: It is not _my _Gaydar, it is my Hikari's. Though I don't need a Gaydar to know who's gay...

Marik: Are you implying something, Bakura? Because I don't get it.

Bakura: Just talk to the old hag!

Marik:... Flicking through pointless dialogue... AHA! Is this chest for me? Thank you, grandma~

Bakura: You have a grandma?

Marik: Of course I have! Where do you _think_ daddy came out of?!

Bakura: No... Just-don't.

Marik: She was my favourite out of the family, although she would give me terrible presents, like that Aliens vs Predator movie...

Bakura: Ooooh... _that_ movie.

Marik: SHUT UP! I still have nightmares about it, now what's inside this chest? Is it bottles of tanning lotion? Make up kit? Research materia- A DAMN BOTTLE?! DO I NEED TO REMIND THE GAME I DON'T NEED FRIGGING BOTTLES! Reference to chaper 1.

Bakura: With stuff in it. Take a sip.

Marik: But it looks like _poison,_ Bakura.

Bakura: *Mutters* Why do you _think_ I want you to drink it?

Marik: I'm leaving this awful place. *Sulks*

_**Marik-(TT^TT)- *I don't like bottles, do they have a fetish with the thing?... THE IMAGERY HURTS***_

Marik: Two wild Pikachus appear! What will MiniMarik do?!

Bakura: _Bokoblins. _

Marik: MiniMarik chooses to fight! MiniMarik uses slash! It's... ineffective.

***10 minutes later***

Marik: _Stupid. THINGS! _WHY DON'T YOU JUST DIE!

Bakura: KILL THEM! I have no _patience_ for such an annoying enemy.

Marik: Nya! NyanyanyanyaNYA! *Slashes left to right like a Joey on drugs.*

Bakura: Finally. _Final, f*cking finally._ If this is the result for two enemies, I'd love to see what would happen in the future.

Marik: *Laughs* Oh silly Bakura, I'd totally pwn the monsters! ...And the Dark Magician Girl.

_**Marik-(6^6)-*Hey, why is that guy naked?***_

Bakura: Well, that encounter with the Goron turned out well.

Marik: MY EYES! SUCH NAKEDNESS BUUUUUUURNS!

Bakura: *Sees what's up ahead* Bollocks.

Marik: What is it Bakura? I can't see proper- Eff my _frigging life_.

Bakura: Red Bokoblins!

Marik: RUUUUUUUUN! Goodbye Pikachus~

Bakura: Marik! This is a required battle, get to it! *Walks off to have tea*

Marik: NOOO! Bakura, come back here! I need emotional suppor-

Bakura- F*ck no!

_**Marik-(X_x)-*Too much exposure to pure ugliness...***_

Bakura- I'm back, I suppose you've beaten the Bokoblins?

Marik: Oh hi Bakura, I'm just swinging on this rope here, apparently I have to find this big walnut's little three walnuts.

Bakura: Do you realise how wrong that sounds...

Marik: What! They look like walnuts! All brown and weird...

Bakura: Just play the f*cking game!

Marik: *Sees Bokoblin leader* Uh...

Bakura: *Sees Bokoblin leader* Uh... I'm off to buy some biscuits, for tea.

Marik: YOU JUST HAD FRIGGING TEA! That brute can just blow into his horn and summon more pikachus, he's the ultimate POKEMON MASTER!

Bakura: Marik, first off, grab that WII control, the character is dying, and second, _get the bloody hell off my leg._

Marik: *Notices* Oh. DON'T DIE, MINIMARIK! YOU HAVE GREATER PURPOSES!

Bakura: *Sigh*... sigh.

_**Marik-( 0 )-*RA-RA-RA-RA-RAAAAAZE!***_

Marik: *Singing along with the tune using DAs.* I HAVE THE SLINGSHOT!

Bakura: How impressive...

Marik: Thank you so much, Mr. Nut! Wait. How do I use this?

Bakura: *Flicking through instruction manuals* Let's see here...

***BEEP TRANSITION OF EXPLANATION* (Hey that rhymes!)**

Bakura: So did you get that?

Marik: So you press the 'B' button?

Bakura: The one time you actually pay attention to instructions...

Marik: HAHAHA! I can now give the pharaoh _BRUISES_... with little nuts. EXCELLENT!

Bakura: _Brilliant _plan, Marik, absolutely _bloody brilliant._

Marik: And I will vanquish the trolls with my NUTS AS WELL!

Bakura: Weren't they Pikachus that were Bokoblins... *SERIOUS MIND F*CK MOMENT* Just get on with the game!

Marik: Right. Where do I go now?

_**Marik-(#_#)-*Where the frig do I go***_

Marik: Uh, *switching camera angles* I have a feeling I missed something.

Bakura: Well, since you just got the slingshot, _why don't you shoot it at things that look suspicious!_

Marik: Well, there's this plant on this branch... *Shoots slingshot* AHA! Shooting nuts at plants are good for their growth! I KNEW IT!

Bakura: At least we're close to our destination... *Hears phone ringing* Excuse me.

***Private phone conversation (NOT)***

Mysterious person: Hey g-

Bakura: *Hangs up* Bugger.

**A/N: Thank you for the reviews. Um, I don't know how to do this without the script-like format, thanks to one reviewer. Seriously, narration to me is like sticking an elephant with a carnivorous, elephant-eating mouse. Le gasp. SKYVIEW TEMPLE NEXT!... ¬_¬ dear lord what have I gotten myself into.**


End file.
